Amy Farfan

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How to Thrive Within the Waiting

Amy Farfan

*Disclaimer*

The phrase "Thrive Within the Waiting" came from a poem from my favorite poet, Morgan Harper Nichols. Look her up on Intsagram. She is amazing.

I know 8 different fertility diets, I know all the stupid internet lingo for ttc, I've learned how to track my ovulation in at least 3 different ways, I've read everything I could possibly read about conception.  I've done all the research I can on that front.   At this point I can't even find new or different articles about trying to conceive.  

So now what?

For my own sanity I've got to find some way to be productive while waiting to become pregnant.  It feels weird to look up practical things about pregnancy because then what will I read when I'm actually pregnant?

So I made a list of things I can research, do, think about, read, and talk about, while I'm still waiting to get pregnant.  Things that will make me a better person and a better mom in the long run. 

Productive Things To Do so you can Thrive Within the Waiting

In no particular order

  1. Research different parenting styles that you might want to try

    1. Then use your imagination and create your own style

  2. Think about how you would react if your child... (Do research if you don't know how you would react or if you don't like your reaction)

    1. was born with an intellectual disability

    2. was born with a physical disability

    3. was born gay/trans

    4. was born intersex

    5. is born not looking like you (biracial)

    6. becomes diagnosed with Tourette's, schizophrenia, etc.

    7. is a bully/gets bullied

    8. gets arrested/in trouble as a teenager

    9. gets a speeding ticket

    10. becomes a parent as a teenager

    11. told you that they have been abused (sexually, physically, mentally)

    12. asks about sex

    13. asks about where babies come from

    14. said they hated you

  3. Work on your relationship with your partner (if you have one)

  4. Work on communication with your partner or planned caretakers

  5. Establish traditions with your partner that children could be added into in the future

    1. Holidays

    2. Meals

    3. Morning Routines

    4. Bedtime Routines

  6. Establish traditions with your partner for just yourselves

    1. Date Night

    2. Sexy Time

    3. Make a plan on how to continue these traditions when children do enter the picture

  7. Reflect on how you were raised

    1. Let go of the idea of making up for your childhood with your children's

    2. Let go of the hurt from your past so that you can be the best parent for your child

    3. Embrace the traditions that you loved as a child but look at them from your parents perspective so that you can figure out how to continue them

  8. Discuss how you will resolve conflict

    1. Do you have to convince the other person?

    2. Does one person take the lead on parenting and one take the lead in some other area?

  9. Make peace with your diet

  10. Walk more. Work up to the recommended 5 miles a day

  11. Meditate daily

  12. Reflect on what you are or are not willing to give up for you baby. Make a plan for letting go of the things you can. Make a plan for keeping the things that you are not willing to give up. Make a plan B in case your original plan doesn't work (always ask yourself, can I outsource this?).

    1. Friends

    2. Work

    3. Pets

    4. Clean House

    5. Being on Time

    6. Sleep

    7. Money

    8. Your Body

    9. Spontaneity

    10. Your Identity (You are now Sarah's Mom)

    11. Privacy

    12. Looking Put Together

    13. Sex

    14. Relationship

    15. Adult Conversations

    16. Feeling Like an Expert

    17. Free Time to Do Nothing

    18. Be Selfish

    19. Be Sick

    20. Watch your TV shows

    21. Wear White

    22. Leave the house quickly

    23. Read chapter books

    24. Control

    25. Wasting TIme

    26. Silence/Quiet Time

    27. Showering

  13. What will you do if you can't get pregnant naturally?

    1. adoption

    2. embryo adoption

    3. fertility treatments

Whew...that's a lot of things to do and research.  What did I forget?  What would you add to the list?  What did you talk with your partner about when you were trying to conceive?  Have you done any of the things on this list? 

This list is ever evolving as I think of more things to think about and do.  So please let me know in the comments below!  I'd love to hear your thoughts!